Why Ianto Fancies Cheese
by kiss-her-theta
Summary: Why is Ianto being so temperamental? And why is he so obsessed with cheese?


**A/N:** Hello! Yes, I still exist! Sorry about the huge delay with me posting, well, anything, but my evil fluffy plot bunnies ran off for ages! Plus, exams don't really help. But I'm back, so that's the main thing. Now, this is a challenge set by RudeAndNotGinger on Whofic, so I totally blame her for this!

The challenge was: _baby-fluff and crack!fic, Jack gets Ianto pregnant, "It's all your fault, Harkness!" "Er, where's the baby gonna come out?", cheese and llama._

Oh, and I'm not really sure if this should be rated T or M, so I'll go with M to be on the safe side, but if anyone thinks T, then just let me know.

**Warnings:** Slash, swearing

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the bowl of cookie dough sitting in front of me. Actually, no, I only own the dough, not even the bowl. sniffle

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"JACK!" echoed around the Torchwood Hub, the yell making all the occupants jump, stunned out of their work.

"Eep!" Jack shrieked as a very furious-looking Ianto stormed into his office. The situation would've looked very serious, if it wasn't for the funny tie Ianto was wearing. It was black, but it has little cartoon llamas on it, and giant carrots. Where you found a tie like that, Jack was unsure, but for some befuddling reason, Ianto had one.

"Erm…" Jack said, blushing at the fact that he, a grown man, had 'Eep-ed' like some 8 year old boy caught playing with his sister's Barbies.. "What is it Ianto?"

"What is it? WHAT IS IT?" Ianto yelled. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, HARKNESS!"

Jack, who was becoming quite distressed and confused by the fact that he had no idea whatsoever at what Ianto was going on about, stood up, walked around his large desk to stand next to his lover. Putting a gentle hand on his cheek, he softly asked ,"What is it? How can I help you if I don't know what you're talking about?"

Ianto leaned into Jack's hand, enjoying the comfort brought from the simple gesture, as tears spilled down his face. He'd become so emotional lately. He'd used to be so controlled and reserved, never really showing much aggression; emotions in general. And now, he could be yelling one second, crying the next. Oh, and he'd taken a fancy to cheese. Actually, no, scratch that. It wasn't just a fancy, it was a full on obsession.

"I'm… I'm…" Ianto stuttered, trying to stop crying. He was getting so tired of crying! Pulling back from Jack's hand, he looked up at Jack.

"I'm pregnant Jack…" Ianto whispered, tears running down his cheeks.

"What? But… but… that's not possible…" Jack murmured, the shock plain on his face.

"I'm sure, Jack", Ianto said, resting his hand on his abdomen in a protective gesture.

"Er… where's the baby gonna come out?" Jack asked, mostly to himself.

"I have no idea Jack! I mean, how did I know you could get me pregnant?!?!" Ianto asked, becoming angry again.

"Stupid fucking hormones. Honestly, I have no idea how girls cope. One minute I'm fine the next, I'm in a bloody heap!" Ianto complained.

"I'm so sorry, Ianto… I… wow…" Jack said, still taking in the information.

"Yeah! It's a bit like that, huh?!" Ianto murmured sarcastically.

Jack's eyes twinkled suggestively at Ianto, enjoying seeing his lover back to his usual self, and in one swift movement he had him pressed against the wall of his office, their lips crashing together. Jack ran his tongue across Ianto's lips, prising them open. They both moaned deeply as their tongues curled around each others, and Jack wound one arm around Ianto's neck, pulling him closer, while the other one wrestled with his llama-tie. Ianto involuntarily bucked against Jack when he pressed his hips into the younger man's. Ianto instinctively moved his arms from around Jack's waist, and began to push off his braces, but abruptly stopped.

"No way, Harkness! If you've managed to get me pregnant, then how the hell do I know you can't do it again?!?!"

"So you expect me stay out of your pants then?" Jack enquired, cornering Ianto, a carnal glint in his eyes.

"YES!" Ianto yelled, ducking past Jack and striding out of his office and into the Hub.

As he watched Ianto storm off, Jack wondered to himself, _'How do I do that?'_

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**A/N:** Well, what did you think? Rubbish? Good? Okay? Please tell me in the form of a review!! offers cookie dough to anyone who reviews, and pulls her best puppy-dog eyes


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